Final Entry

Final Entry: May 13th 2012
... I wanted to make my final entry in this blog about how I have come so far
in photography... but instead... it will extend to how far I have come in life.
How far have I come in photography after a year?  Well, you can judge
for yourself.  My first picture for this blog was of this same sign above
except that I had heavily PhotoShopped it.  A year later, I am taking
the same picture at about the same angle, except that I have one more
year of knowledge in my head about photography.  Even though
this picture doesn't necessarily show how I have improved, I still
wanted to end where I started, to show a circle of sorts.  Since then,
I have added two more lenses to my collects, a sling bag, a flash, and
a figure (Danbo).  With that, I have had my Nikon D3000 for over a year
now and have not regretted spending money on it.  I have traveled to
various places such as Cape Cod and Boston, and have captured
amazing sights such as beached dolphins, special events and
beautiful sunsets.  

And with that, I am sitting here, burning the last of my laptop's battery (no plug in).  My final entry will also be a reflection on my past four long, but short years.  In early 2008, I did not know where or what I wanted to go or be.  It was time to decide which college to go to, but I simply did not care.  I didn't want to leave high school and all of my friends there.  To solve that solution, I flipped a coin on a 50/50 chance of going to SUNY Oneonta or Siena College.  The coin landed in favor of Siena College.  Problem solved!  Except, that still didn't solve the problem of me not wanting to leave HS and home.  But time waits for no one.  So time moved on, graduation came and sadness followed.

What came next, I could have never imagined.  At first, I disliked college because I felt alone.  I slowly became to like college as I met new people and joined new groups.  My first group of friends were the kids of my hall.  We would play video games a lot and hang out in Plassmann lounge.  The second group of friends were the Asian Student Association club members.  I'm not really sure what to write about them except that they were one of my closest families and I am not sure how I would have turned out if I had never joined that club.

I guess this brings me straight to the part of, what if I was in the class of 2011 or 2013 instead of the class of 2012... sorry this is going to skip around a lot.  I once thought to myself, actually probably last year or even last semester, "What if I was in a different class year?"  This popped into my head many times over the years due to the people and experiences that I met and went through.  In the beginning, it was I wish I was a year or two older so I could have spent more time with the class of 2008 and 2009 ASA members who I grew fond of quickly.  Then I started to think that if I was in the class of 2011, then I would have never met one of my best friends who was a freshmen in high school when I was a senior.  It then went onto, well I wish I was in class of 2011 because two of my closest friends were in the class and having an extra year, especially a year when they weren't busy all the time!!!!, would have been nice.  I would have most likely met my freshmen friend eventually due to so many mutual friends.  This thinking went on for a long time until now.  It is now, on my graduation day, that I am thankful that I am part of the class of 2012.  There were so many memories that I have created by being part of this class, that I wouldn't go back in time and change what class I was in.  Even though I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked to with some people, the time I spent with my friends of 2012 is something that I cannot replace.

Refocus onto late 2010; South Korea.  Oh yeah, also not being in 2012 would have messed with this too.  So 2012 was good choice!  Anyways, Seoul, South Korea.  This was one of my biggest regrets for my four years.  My biggest regret in Korea was trying to be a good Starcraft player since it is the national sport.  I spent way to much time on that and not enough time on focusing on my opportunity at hand.  This was a horrible mistake, even though I did spend quality time with my gaming family at home, because I now realize that, one, I may not have a chance to go visit Korea for a long time, and two, I met so many amazing people there, yet regret not spending all of my time with them.  I am glad though, that I developed a strong bond with a lot of people there and continue to keep contact with them.

Okay... this might not be my final entry because I am tired right now, but I do want one more though to go down...  Today, and the past two weeks, have been a depressing and awaking experience.  As I said goodbye to all of my friends that I have met while at Siena, I realized that even though I said that we would keep in touch, that it was most likely a horrible lie.  I remember saying that in high school, yet have kept in touch with very little people.  I do have hope though, since with every goodbye, there were tears building up within me that I had to hold back.  This was something that first occurred in Korea, when I cried in public before boarding my flight back home.  And I have done a pretty good job at keeping in touch with most of them.  I hope that since I am older and more mature now, that I will be able to keep my word about keeping in touch.  I want to.  Because everyone I met at Siena are amazing people who I loved to be around.  I know that people say that it isn't goodbye, just see you later, but half of me thinks that this will be the last time seeing them, talking to them, laughing with them, and making memories with them.  That's what's going to make me cry for the next couple of days.  They are not people who can be replaced by co-workers in the future.  I have always been one who cannot simply let go of the past, even with trinkets and random junk.  That aspect of me makes this process into the next stage of life even harder.  Even though I know that time heals, the real question is, how long does it take to heal?  A week?  A month?  A year?  I am still healing from Korea...
With that last major though out of my head for tonight, I will close with these small thoughts and quotes:

Graduation to me is a one way ticket out of Never Never Land.  It seems like it is an exit only with no re-entry allowed.  Sure you can go onto grad school or go back for another degree later, but I doubt it would feel the same.  This is the point of no return...

To address the lingering depression within me, last night, while walking the main part of campus and taking pictures one last time, I ran into Friar Bill.  He is the only Friar that I have actually talked to.  When I mean talk, I mean talk talk.  The first time I met him was in freshmen year.  The first time I talked talked to him was either late freshmen or early sophomore year.  I was in the chapel late at night playing the piano alone.  He just came in and sat down and before I knew it, we were having a long conversation about music.  This made me happy and made my night visits to the chapel feel even more special.  That feeling quickly ended when they locked the piano in there... that is for another rant....  After that, he left for a while.  I hadn't talked to him since until yesterday which actually is the day before yesterday now.  Happy 5/14/2012.  Anyways, I was slowly making my way back to my townhouse to finish packing when I saw him.  We said hello and he asked how I was.  I told him that I didn't think I was ready to leave yet and I felt sad.  That is when he said (not exactly this, but something close to it), "That is good that you feel sad, that means that these four years here have meant something to you and that you have a bond here."  At that moment, my eyes started to tear and I had to hold back my tears once again.  He was right though, if I didn't have such a strong connection with Siena, then I wouldn't be so sad to leave it behind.  Thank you Friar Bill.

I think my final thought before closing is touching upon keeping in touch with friends.  Last night, I went to TCBY with two of my friends and what was suppose to be a short final hangout turned into a long conversation about what is going to happen with friendship.  Basically what my friend Mike said was, "Even though we won't be able to see all of our friends for long periods of times, it is those short amount of times that we do get together that will keep our friendship going strong.  Spending time with each other everyday does nothing for us because new memories will not come fast.  Spending time with each other once every other year, now that will create new memories that we will always be able to share..."  Something along those lines were said tonight.  That made me realize that saying goodbye is like just saying see you later.  In the past I didn't think that that was true because I had only been ticking for 18 years.  Now that I think about it, later still hasn't come yet so I could still see them later...
Anyways, since my rants don't make sense anymore.... It is closing time.  I am not sure if I will add another entry or not, but I will continue to keep on thinking about my college experience.  Everyday and every year until I lose my mind, I will think back to the years of 2008-2012 and remember the bad, the good and the great of those years.

It is time to move on.  "Time waits for no one."  Time to open a new chapter in life and continue forward without looking back... too much.

To whom ever reads this.  Enjoy what you have while you have it.  You don't know what you have until it is gone...  This is the end of "A Year Through My Eyes"  I hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed doing it.  Thank you for all of your support!- Benton Reis